Engaged! (again.)

Boy meets girl.

They fall in love.

Boy marries girl, and the two live happily ever after.

It’s a pretty simple story, right? The one that’s not mine this time around. Mine would be more along these lines:

Boy meets girl.

They fall in love.

Boy meets girl’s little boy.

They fall in love, too.

Boy marries girl, and the three live happily ever after.

I wouldn’t change my story for the world. Not for a million bucks. And get married again? Absolutely. Without a hesitation in my voice.

 

It’s something I should approach with skepticism, wouldn’t you say? Be careful, Sam. You’ve been so hurt, so broken.

And now, to have Holden in the mix. Much more of a heavier weight in this than my own heart.

Trust is an area I surely thought was gone forever. Something that had been flattened, lost faith in it completely. Long gone were the days I could give 100% and be confident in the efforts. How could I become unconditionally vulnerable to someone else after that? Not so sure. Somehow I went there. And without reservation. Wholeheartedly. Dove right in. Believed in him, my special person. Trusted in that this was it for me, for Holden. Even as I questioned why, I had to accept that he trusted in me also.

I received a note from a distant friend recently. She complimented me on my ability to believe in people. A quality that probably had something to do with the mess I got myself into some time ago. And now? That quality got me here. Here: more in love than I knew was possible, happier than I can wrap my head around, and driven further than I thought my feet would ever take me.

Hope is powerful. More powerful than skepticism. And I’m choosing to be happy.

I have the kind of love that is untouchable, too precious… that is, with my two boys. Compassionate. The kind of love that you’ve heard about. The kind of love I’d only prayed would find me in time. The kind that moved mountains, and still does. Continuing to heal and restore me anew. Creating within me something better than I was before, something pushing me to be better than I thought I could all along. The kind that quite simply, only wants only goodness for the other every day. And I will cherish it every day of my life.

So begins the wedding planning, the details, and everything else I cared way too much about at my first attempt at that circus. As much as I would love for everyone to be there rejoicing in my/our happiness (and stress) as I don the most luxurious and uncomfortable gown known to man, while Holden rips off anything “gatchie” (scratchy) such as a tie, suspenders,… or anything for that matter besides “uh-panth” (underpants), and Nick feels anything but himself by having to wear a tuxedo instead of jeans and a t-shirt, while checking the clock an uber amount of time waiting for the limo to pick us up on time, worrying if all the guests like the h’orderves, all while I’d constantly need a bridesmaid to check if my deoderant is working, it just doesn’t seem like the ideal day for us. So, I have handed off the responsibility baton to my endearing fiancé, whose creativity and ideas can give anyone a run for their money, so I’m not too worried. And, I really just want him (and Holden, myself) to be the happiest we’ve ever been, the most comfortable we could be, and the most natural possible the day we begin our life together as a family of three. That’s all.

So, all that matters to me this time around is simply that that boy is there, the girl is there, and the little boy is there too.

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One thought on “Engaged! (again.)

  1. My eyes filled with tears of joy and my heart was overflowing with love for you, Nick, and Holden as I read your words today.
    I couldn’t be happier having been a witness to the love you three have for each other. The fit is incredible, a fit that man nor woman could create on their own yet God works miracles in our lives when we least expect it.
    I know Nick will create a most unique and memorable event for his new family!!
    My arms, and heart are open to welcome you and Holden into our family!!!
    Love you three,
    Sid

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