I don’t know.

The more I learn, the more I become aware of just how much I don’t know. That’s all a part of maturing right? When you’re young, you know everything.

So, the more you know, the more you realize how much you don’t know. The more you know you don’t know, the more you know already.

I thought I knew just enough some time ago. Enough to be happy? Thought so. Enough to get by. I didn’t need nor want to know more.

But, I know more now. And the more I’ve gotten to know, the more I’ve realized happiness, for one thing is a choice, amidst many other things. Happiness does take effort day after day to choose it. By nature, days will come and go that naturally will impose unhappiness. Fight it. Fix it. Choose happiness and be happy.

That’s more knowledge than I knew a few years ago years ago. When I turned 25 amidst a painful divorce. When I was 24 with a newborn in my arms. Or 23 and being married. Or 21 being engaged. Living in a bubble.

So here I am now…I still don’t know a lot. But I know much more. More than just knowing happiness is a choice. That’s just what seems important right now… and wanting to share it. With a three year old. A few months shy of getting married. Feeling as though I’ve aged 20 years over the past 3. And there’s so much that I don’t know still of course… because I now know more. That’s why I’m not shaken, surprised by much. Every now and then that one instance throws me, but overall it’s pretty steady. Knowing now that human behavior is full of endless possibilities… not everyone thinks the same way, acts in the same manner. People are both intentional and unintentional. But also full of goodness (a post for another day). More understanding, more empathic. More accepting, less judging. My armor is knowledge, experiences that led me here. Stability.

Happier. Smarter. Richer for knowing I don’t know much.

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Normalcy.

We are busy people. There’s so much I have to say, but so little time to say it all it seems.

The constant hustle that is wearing many hats leaves little time for leisure, i.e., my blog. Sometimes what I want to say out loud is distorted upon delivery. That’s why this outlet is exactly leisure for me, what I want to say I can say. It’s accomplishing and reinforcing that subtle words can impact the lives of others. That’s the beauty of reading and writing.

It’s a good hustle though, the business. Currently. It’s a solid routine of commitments and expectations without the constant second-guessing and rumination. Less wastes of time. It’s confidence in that my life now really is full of goodness and it’s true. It’s terribly busy but full of simplicity. It’s a steady continuum of supply and demand within the exciting chaos. Balanced and normal.

So that’s exactly it. Happy to have normalcy. Happy for the realness.

The word “normal” usually comes with it a negative connotation in pop culture. If you’re normal you’re boring. Don’t be normal, be different. Normal is an insult.

Me? I’m grateful for the normal amidst my busy life. Generally speaking… Normalcy on a daily basis. I’m grateful that the words spoken are exactly what’s thought within. Lacking ulterior motives. No skewed visions that don’t make sense nor get explained. There are no other plans other than what’s said and not said. There’s no show, no front built up to be something that doesn’t necessarily even matter. What normalcy is for me is honest, believable. And I’m thankful for that. Actually, I’m more than elated having exactly that.

And within a steady, normal life, needs do still remain.  Just less of them.

When what I want is reassurance, I get it. When I need a listening ear as the demands start to outweigh the supply, I have it. When it’s direction I’m lacking, I’m steered straight.

It’s all I really need. And what I wish for everyone else is this as well. Some taste of normalcy too.

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